My Council lies over the ocean
My Council lies over the sea
My Council lie over the ocean
Oh bring back my Council to me!
Bring back, oh bring back
Oh bring back my Council to me, to me!
Bring back, oh, bring back
Oh bring back my council to me!

-  .2.9.t.h.f.o.r.e.v.e.r.  -

noonewillevertakeyourplaceinmyheartsoulandlife

The 21st century, a time where Man has been desensitized from the horrors of the modern world. Passing images have just become that, things that pass along one's life and without stopping to admire its beauty, everyone walks on. But in this modern world, what if we found something so special that we'd want to keep forever. Yet, it's fragility deepens because of the complex relationships in the world, the secrets that people keep because there is no way that they could ever trust, ever again.

But when you find something special, would you want to give it up?

This is their story, one that is unwritten, up to this point of time. One that is unfinished, even at this very moment. Everyday, we walk and we don't see this beautiful miracle blossoming. But then again, are we going to see the destruction of one of them? Seeing things and feeling them are different. So here's their story...

From all around the country, the brightest, young artistic minds were brought together for a sculpturing workshop which would end in a competition. The prize for the lucky winner was nothing more than a measely art set, but the young artists were not there to win the prize. Being able to display their hard work at an exhibition was something that most of these young sculptors wanted.

One of them was a young girl. She never stood out until people saw her art work. The passion and talent that shined through was something that not many people could deny because of the rich emotions that went forth to touch the onlooker's heart. She was a quiet girl who never really talked much. And for most of the workshop, she only conversed with one person, the boy.

He was an exact opposite from her. He was there for the fun of it, not for the lessons, not for the competition. Just for pure fun. He came from a different part of the country from her, but they clicked when they first met. There was something about him that attracted her in his direction. There never was a time where she was bored when he was around. Coming from a background like hers, it was as if he was the rainbow in her life. He was the one who had brought that splash of colour into her life of black and white.

Those days were full of laughter for her and she had never felt such comfort before. But comfort didn't last for long. They, parted by circumstances were brought again together by other reasons. Never thinking they would meet each other again, they didn't know what was in store for them.

Unfortunately, their fate, is unknown, even to me.

The Council Room

Our Favourite Table

The Long Corridor

The View from Our Place

Our Staircase

Well, as a 29th Student Councillor, and owning a new blog, I wouldn't miss the world 
to blog about the one thing that I really, really miss. Not just the pictures that you see 
above, they are just the materialistic aspects of what we had. The council room where 
I spent countless hours studying, sleeping, and just dazing about in my own world after 
taking a shower in our very own "private" showers. And when studying got too tiring, there 
was always the long corridor to pace about and the view from our place which overlooked 
most of the school. In the evening, the sunsets are also beautiful. You really have to see it 
to experience it yourself.

Slightly more than a year ago, there was a girl. She had no confidence, a low self-esteem, 
she thought the worst of herself. She had backslided, faithless in a thought-to-be Godless 
world. She was in a relationship which she knew was wrong, breaking all her expectations 
just to be together with someone whom she thought would be the one she would be with for
the rest of her life. But she was wrong about everything. All she had was a deep passion for 
something that she so desired, to be a leader. She didn't know how she would do it or if she 
would even be voted in, but against everyone's words of negitivity, she went ahead and ran for 
her dream. And she got in. 

But that was when everything went oddly wrong. Her council life was soaring, but everything else 
was just falling, her grades, her relationships with her family, her beloved. And one day, everything 
just fell apart when her beloved couldn't take the pressure anymore. A girl, so insecure, yet so much 
more of a high achiever. He didn't understand, he couldn't take her insecurity, he couldn't handle what 
was given to him because she was too much of a child. And her world crashed. Everything became 
insignificant. Her days were just tears, tears and more tears.

And then, she finally realized who were the people who loved her the most. God. & the 29th Student 
Council. 36 other people were there for her. And they took all her nonsense and helped her in everything
that they could. She was almost like a burden to them, but because of the love they had for her, they took 
up everything they could. There always were people by her side, coincidentally, intentionally, either way, 
she always had someone by her side to listen to her, lend her a shoulder, give her a piece of advice, or 
just some assuring words of encouragement. They're tireless efforts of love really paid off.

In 2007, someone else emerged. Someone stronger, more confident, more open. Someone who knew, 
and finally realized the value of the 29th Student Council. It was a long, long journey, but she had made 
it through, to the top, with the love of everyone else. That girl, was me. 

And for all the great times, all the love, and all the understanding, I thank you for it, every single 36 of you. 
You made my life special, you made life worth living, and you made me have a new perspective on life a
nd what's important in life - friends, friends who are like family to you.

I was just sitting on the sofa, watching the chinese TV program that my mother was
all so engrossed in. If you watch Singapore TV, you would know that the show was
愛.特別的你, the latest 9pm show. Initially I was totally bored because it was just
about how this girl, 溫馨, truly and desperately wanted to get back with her boyfriend, 
家轩because she accused him for something that he did not do, and she realized that
she was in the wrong. 

And as cliched as the story got, there was a repeat of the movie "Turn Left, Turn Right"
and then, the even more cliched airport scene where she runs around half of Changi
trying to find the guy, only to come back to the same spot she started at to start crying 
and then as if on cue, she turns around to see him standing at the check-in counter.

No, I didn't see myself in her in all those scenes. What happened afterwards though,
reminded me deeply of the day that he left. Oh goodness. I thought that I would never
write about this person or think about this person ever again. But it seems that as long
as someone is part of your past, he or she will inevitably be part of your persent because
it is the past that has made you who you are, in one way or another. 

When 溫馨saw家轩, she wanted to go over and talk to him, but another girl appeared and
she probably misunderstood, thus she stayed where she was and started crying. Somehow,
that reminded me of the day he left. I was at the airport, wanting to perhaps have a few last
words with him and then send him off in peace. But it turned out that almost his whole CCA 
was there, and there was no way I could say anything to him because there was just so many
people, from his CCA, his BS, his secondary school. 

So in the end, just like the girl, I stood at a distance watching him, and when he left, I cried. He
was just so precious to me, at that point of time. And after he left, I went to the viewing gallery. 
Knowing Changi like the back to my hand, I knew exactly which berth he was flying off from. And
from that distance, I said my last goodbyes to him, silently. 

The picture up there, is the plane that he was sitting on. Not a replicate, not another airplane of the 
same airline. He was in there. And me, I was crying. For what, right now, I can't really remember
anymore. But I knew that on that day, I cried so badly that I never really cried as much since then.
And I doubt I'll cry as much as i did that day. 

And from that day onwards, I never really knew what was going to happen between us. But I do know
that we've cut contact with each other and totally erased any contactable links between us. Whether
we will ever meet again, I will never know. But I know that if I do see him again, I will say 'hi' to him, but
feign amnesia. Actually, deep in my heart, I want to actually have amnesia, get myself into a car accident,
an accident out at sea, hit my head hard enough on something, just to forget him totally. Because it's not
easy to forget a person you love, even though he hurt you deep enough for you to hate him.

They say that the deeper you love a person, the deeper your hate for him will be. But it doesn't seem to
work in my life. Somehow, God forgot to give me the 'hate' gene. I've never been able to hate a person. 
Dislike, yes, but I'd still be able to talk to that person, and show that person care. That's defintely not hate. 
God, I'd pray that you give me a little hate so that I'd be able forget him, but, that just be so screwed because
God is love, He can't give me hate.

For me, my ending was sudden, and even more heart-breaking than his departure because somehow, he
had to tell me a whole lot of information that I really didn't have to know. Even though I know that I should hate
him for being such a person, somehow, I still love him. Not as much as before because now God is number
one in my life, but yang hao will somehow always be number two, a number two that is buried so deep in my 
heart that the numbers will run 1,3,4,5,6... because he has been taken away, yet he's still there. Yet somehow, 
the ending didn't feel like one because there was no actual words being said. So misty was it that I feel that 
it's going to be hard to find a closure. But I believe that I'm already out of that shadow. 

For that couple on that TV drama serial, I don't even have to watch it to know the ending. The guy will come back
from Thailand and they'll meet again, and get together once again, even more in love than they were before. For
me, well, my ending has already been written by God. I just don't know it yet.

And every single pile of papers and notes in my room look just like
the picture above. Honestly, this is the last week of the holidays, and
I realized that the best topic I've touched on is Globalization; I wrote
on one and a half sets of lecture notes. That's all. For everything else,
I haven't even touched the tip of it. 

This morning when I woke up, I was just thinking and calculating the 
number of days I have left and the amount of work that I still have to do, 
and I realize that there is no way that I'm going to be able to finish anything
at all. And, it was only then that the panic struck me, for just a moment and
then it left. I'm still taking things quite easy, as you can see, I'm currently 
writing here. 

I spent the last three weeks having fun, being in my holiday mood. I tried to 
study, perhaps not hard enough. But now, I have to constantly remind myself
that I'm not just by myself anymore. The results that I get are not for myself 
alone anymore. My grades will reflect first and foremost, the glory of my 
Daddy Jesus. Secondly, I am accountable to my dearest 29th Student
Council. As Ms. Chiew always says, we may have stepped down, but 
everyone is still looking at us to uphold the expectations that they have on us.
We will never be able to escape it. Thirdly, of course, I'm accountable to both
my family and myself. My future lies here.

Now, something stikes me. I was about to type "The future lies in my hands." 
But I realize that is not true. It's my self-centeredness acting up again. My future 
is in the hand of the Lord, I've already given it to Him. So I know that my 'A' level 
results will be what I am envisioning it to be, 4 As. But I have to put in my own
diligence as well. 

Time to stop taking the backseat. I'm getting up and sitting next to the driver 
Himself. Time to start studying. And off I go. Wish me luck.

And as the sun set today, I couldn't help but think about something of the past.
I don't know if I should have even been thinking about it, but it seems that I have
a tendency to do so. Honestly, if you don't know what I'm talking about, it doesn't
matter. I'm just feeling really mixed up today because I was suddenly face to face
again with a matter that I haven't thought about for a really long time. Him, as a 
brother or as a crush? I don't really know, don't want to know, and honestly to a
large extent, couldn't be bothered.

The mid-years are roaring down on me already and I'm not prepared to face this lion.
Everyone's been studying, but me, I'm still in a little bubble of my own, taking my
own sweet time about everything. I don't know if I'm just too confident or too lazy. 
Either way, I don't want to know because the answer is scary. And either way, it really
doesn't matter, does it?

There will always be a beginning for everything. But one such as this
is confusing for me. Honestly, I've been hopping around from Diaryland 
to Blogger, and now LiveJournal. They all represent different phases of
my life. But I really hope that I will keep this journal till the end because I'm
sick and tired of changing servers. But with every major turn of events of my 
life, I tend to want a new beginning somewhere else. However, I'm feeling
the unhealthiness of this whole game.

Leaving memories behind, here and there. Memories that I don't really want. 
But aren't those memories what made me who I am today? Honestly, I've lost 
so many of them that sometimes, I forget what I was before and remember 
only who I am today. But it doesn't really matter, does it? Living life is about
moving forward. If I cannot, then, it would be a pity because there are so many
more beautiful sun rises for me to enjoy.